This morning I struggled beginning my regular morning meditation and yoga practice. I hurt myself on Friday and got off track with my daily disciplines. I have never understood why it is so easy to fall into negative behaviors that do not make me feel good. Why is so hard to get back on track even though my morning and evening practices is what bring happiness, joy, and a feeling of success into my life? Self discipline definitely creates a sense of freedom in my spirit. I look forward to the day when getting up and doing my daily yoga and meditation is as natural as breathing.So this morning I re-commit myself to self discipline.
The more I evolve the more I feel connected to all of humanity. Natural disasters, human being with out clean water, violence, people scamming from others…..There is so much of it going on. Sometimes when I ask myself: “what can I do? How can I make a difference? I feel overwhelmed with a feeling of powerlessness. So often I hear others say:”what can I do? I am only one person.”
Therefore they do nothing. Then I think about all of the single people that have changed the world: Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther Kind,Mother Teresa, ad infinitum. So maybe I wont be one of the greats but there is always something I can do.Even If its $5.00 or one hour. Because if all of us did this it would accumulate into hugeness!We should never belittle our service, or our efforts.
REMINDER: Stop looking at how much I can not do and find something I can do and do it!
I can not count how many times I have asked myself, “what is the reason for so much suffering?”. I never really come up with the perfect answer, but I do know, when I look at all the years of my own suffering, I know I would not be the person I am, with this level of compassion if I had not suffered. I also believe I would not be as close to God/spirit that I am if my life had been an easy one. I wish this were not so, but the truth is I believe the heights of my joy and love are directly related to the depth of sorrow I have lived through. Could we have gratitude without loss? Faith without fear? I do not know.
I do not know whom taught me I could start my day over if I choose. This morning was one of those mornings that began in frustration. By the time I was spilling things and feeling very agitated, I reminded myself I could start over! Thank God, because in the past this kind of morning could ruin my whole day. By starting over I am empowering myself! Reminding myself that I get to choose how my day starts, not outside circumstances. It is the beginning of learning how to feel peace in the midst of the storm!
So, I stopped, sat down and meditated for 20 minutes. Today is going to be a magnificent day!
It truly makes no sense to harbor any kind of animosity. It just gives the person more power to continually make you suffer. Resentment and animosity are truly ugly energies to carry in the body! It does NO GOOD!
I remember the first time It was suggested to me to pray for someone I resented. I thought: :” Absolutely NOT”. Then I thought about it. If I prayed for this person I would feel freedom from the other persons affect on my spirit. And if they were blessed by Good they might turn into a nicer human being.
It has never failed to bring me peace! Every time I let go of my ego and pray for a person whom I resented or did not like, I have found peace.
I just came home from visiting my mother and attending my aunts Celebration of life. I got to see my first cousins whom I have not seen in about 25 years. My sister was also there. My sister and I drove up to CT together from my moms in Massachusetts. I experienced so many different emotions. I embraced these feelings with love. (something I have really never done before) I allowed the grief to wash through me, then joy, anger, sadness….It made me think about how afraid of feelings I use to be.You know the ones we call the “bad” ones. Anytime one of these uncomfortable feelings came knocking I would slam the door shut, or burry them deep within. Life was very black and white then. I know that feelings do not kill me, and the sooner I let them come the sooner they pass. Allowing myself to experience all these emotions has create a life full of color. I never felt Joy until I stopped cutting myself off from the world. This has opened my heart. With an open heart I feel compassion and love for others in a way that was not possible before. I no longer label my feelings good or bad, because they are all a part of an exceptional mosaic!
I just traveled in the car for a few hours. It’s is clear to me that stress or high emotions makes my pain worse. Or my threshold is lower.
Today is a day of self care and self love. Showing some gratitude for my body which has been through so much . I tend to expect too much. Patience and acceptance today.
Some days we just need to give ourselves a break!