Recently, I have experienced some beautiful moments. Moments that had me thinking: How did I get here? Beautiful accomplishments that had me in tears.
I worked very hard to get here. There were so many years that my past and my outside circumstances dictated my life in a negative way. It was like one negative experience beget another negative experience. The worst part about it was I did not know I had any control over the things that were happening. It was not until things got so bad and I got so sick that thins changed. It changed because of a decision I made followed by continuous action. After my leg was amputated, I had a choice to make. Who did I want to be? I decided I wanted to live. I was not going to let my amputation noir my pain bring me down. I will never forget that day. I started reading books that would teach me how to live under the circumstances I had. I began watching amputees who were professional athletes. I got up every morning and started new rituals. I went to bed expecting to wake up feeling better instead of worse. I fed these new thoughts and beliefs minute by minute. I would catch myself when the old way snuck itself back in.
Yesterday, I hit a milestone that had me in tears.
I was told I would never walk again. I read articles that said my prosthetic was 100 times harder to learn. I had so many days my thoughts would tell me I was getting worse, that there was no use working out and learning how to walk.
Yesterday, for the first time in many years. I walked to my car, drove to Hangar by myself. I walked out of my appointment and began to cry. For a moment I stood there forgetting I was even an amputee! I almost did not go, because the fear in my stomach was so powerful. The first thoughts in my head told me I couldn’t do it. Thank God by now, I knew how to recognize the old lies. My new knowledge kicked in and I told myself: It is time. If you never do it, you will never do it. I can not even describe to you in words the exhilaration and gratitude I experienced yesterday for being alive. The gratitude for the gift to walk!
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So much of my life story was about sickness and suffering. Changing your story is vital to get out of the sickness cycle and the pain cycle. It took me awhile to see that I woke up every day and fed the sickness. My life was an unconscious creation. Unconsciously I was feeding all the bad. But deep down inside somewhere I knew that the inner me was about health. I began feeding new visions, new thoughts and allowing myself to dream again. I began paying attention of the things that were coming out of my mouth. I made a conscious choice that no longer would I give any illness more power. No longer was I going to feed my pain level that day and let it dictate my day!!! NO MORE! Instead I was going to remind myself my body was created to naturally heal. I was going to see myself walking into places. Walking my dog. As soon as I noticed I was focusing on my pain I would stop and change my focus. It took me a long time to realize that just knowing new concepts was not enough. I had to apply them. IT TAKES WORK. It can be an up and down process and sometimes in the beginning you might think you are not getting anywhere. I spend decades feeding the old paradigms, living a life of unconscious creation. I TOOK BACK MY POWER OF CHOICE. The more I kept at it, continually picking myself back up and not beating myself up for falling backwards. My outer and inner experience has changed. I was actually experience a shift. I am no longer a victim of life or a victim of my past!!! It works, it actually works!
The more I practice it, the more It becomes a part of me. Everyday I wake up and choose to fight for myself! Love myself! Be kind to myself!
I choose life!
I woke up this morning and realized I felt no pain. I began crying, overwhelmed with gratitude. I remember two years ago when I got home from the convalescent after my amputation. It took everything I had to go to the kitchen and back. If I took a shower, it was a great day! The two years before my amputation I basically lived in the hospital or in a convalescent. Surgery after surgery.
This morning I allowed myself to truly experience the moment, this day free of pain. Yesterday I went to pilates and out with a friend. Today, I cleaned my home and had lunch with a friend. It is so important to allow ourself to see the progress. I have reached a milestone. So many time we arrive and do not even realize it because there is always the next milestone. In two years I have come so far. I got here by taking one step at a time. Conquering one thing at a time. adding one healthy habit at a time.
Living with chronic pain, it is even more important that we celebrate the little things and the big things. It is easy to forget how far we have come when we are trying to get over another hurtle. Two years ago, I set an intention to take control of my mind. Changing my thoughts, changing my story.
Today was the manifestation of that work. Tomorrow, I wake up and I continue to fight.
Why? Because, its worth it!
Why? Because I am going to walk again!
Consistency is the key to healing! Whatever new practice I am learning about, or implementing into my healthy habits must be done consistently. I love the saying:” Do not quit before the miracle!” In the beginning of my healing journey I remember moving from thing to thing and thinking:” None of this is working”. So, after many months of frustration and struggling with wanting to just give up I read something by Deepak Chopra that changed my life. When dealing with holistic modalities and practices they work on the core of the problem. They don’t quick fix your symptoms. For example, when I began cooking and eating to decrease chronic inflammation in my body ( which is associated with many diseases) it took more than 30 days for me to really start experiencing the feeling of relief. Being in pain sucks, and I know we want to get relief NOW, but all the now remedies I ever came across have long term side effects that can damage our bodies and minds. When you start healing from a holistic remedy, your body and mind are actually healing, because it is healing you at a cellular level! Pain is our body communicating with us; “HELP, SOMETHINGS WRONG, HELLO, DO SOMETHING!” Therefore it does not make sense to just numb the bodies warning system.
Another example is meditation or visualization-It took Joe Dispenza five years to heal his back. But do not be discouraged, once you begin feeling the results a little it gets better from there! SO it is worth the work.
I started with one practice and then added another and so on.
Even if it is as small as starting to eats broccoli sprouts every day. START SOMEWHERE or you will never get anywhere.
Pick something today, once that has become a habit, then add something else. If it is meditation or visualization start with 2 minutes and then add a minute at a time. IT WORKS!
The last ten days I woke up in excruciating pain. I thought about all the days my pain has taken away from me. So I made a decision on each of those days that today would not be another one. I pushed myself up out of bed. I changed my mindset from sadness to positivity. I took my dog out for a walk, said a prayer and came in and meditated using a new healing visualization meditation. I doubled my dose of my CBD tincture, and lied down on my Biomat for 20 minutes.I then soaked in the tub with one of my CBD bath bombs and extra epson salt. After about an hour I realized I was no longer in horrible pain. I called my friend and he drove me to the beach where I put my foot in the sand and got to watch the waves and breath the fresh air. Now, I am experience overflowing gratitude. 2 years ago my pain level was so bad I was not able to have this option. The reason why I am sharing this is because once you have lived years with chronic pain it can be extremely hard to switch gears and begin taking your life back. This can definitely be exhausting on days. Those days I allow myself to cry and pamper myself at home. I know chronic pain sucks! I hope this helps someone get up and make a great day. There are days we can pivot and create a new experience and there are days we must just accept. You can learn which days to get up and take back your life and be the best friend you’ve ever had.
One of the things I truly struggled with after my amputation was finding my balance.I had to learn that sometimes it was important to push myself and get up and “accomplish” somethings or embrace where my body was and allowing myself to be with my body and let it rest. What I learned was how important it is to push myself to learn how to become more self efficient, but also learn how to accept some limitations and listen to my body. There are days when thinking positive and challenging yourself turns into an expectation instead of a desire. This is when I need to stop, cry, and allow myself to be exactly where I am in that moment. It gets exhausting when your whole life is making appointments, seeing doctors, fighting for your insurance, and living with pain every day. This is when I knew that I must have things that I do that have nothing to do with “getting better”,healing…..Because it’s too draining to live with this consistent energy of “I want to heal’, i want to feel better”. I needed days to just enjoy, live, and be grateful of where I am now!
So don’t miss living because you are always trying to get somewhere that you are not. Be here now!
Did you know that when your inflammation levels get higher, so does your risk for disease? Chronic inflammation is the misfiring of the immune system keeping your body in constant high alert. When our body is in high alert is also release cortisol which in turn creates more inflammation. This is why a quality CBD helps many different symptoms. Cbd can lower inflammation in the body, therefore supporting your body’s health.Studies are showing that chronic inflammation causes a lot of damage to the body and that most pain symptoms are because of inflammation. CBD helps the Endocannabinoid system help all the other systems communicate, therefore correcting any misfiring of messages. If you are suffering from pain or inflammation and would like to find a quality CBD feel free to message me.