I do not know about most of the world but it was not until my late twenties when I learned that feelings do not demand action and response. What I mean by that is when I learned how important it was for me to never make a decision based from or in reaction to an emotion my life got a lot better. I was not raised in a “share your feelings” kind of family. Feelings are just feelings. Plain and simple. They are not fact! Actually much of the time they are quite irrational. I was taught to stuff, hide, or deny my feelings. Therefore by the time they arose to the surface they were very overwhelming.
Feelings do not kill. There is a place and time for expression. Oh, and also, just because I feel like doing something it does not mean I have to. For the average person all of this might all sound obvious, but not for the ones who grew up in a dysfunctional home!
What is so freeing about this knowledge, once it is learned, is feelings no longer dictate your life.
The power of conscious decision making is gained.
I was just sitting here thinking about how much being able to see myself clearly has changed my life.
Well, seeing myself clearly and loving myself anyway. One of my worst habits was I use to always feed the negative. One day my therapist told me “It takes ten positives to level one negative” Wow.
I had to make a conscious decision to become aware of my thinking and reroute it. This was so hard in the beginning because I had to remember to do it. My negative self-talk had become so ingrained it was habitual. However, the more I did it the better I got at it. This experience made me decide to look at myself more! I became aware of many short-comings. Habitual behaviors that took joy and happiness away from my life experience. Still today I will begin the old cycle. But it lasts shorter and shorter! I realized that the way I treated myself was why I could not accomplish things I really cared about. It also made me attract negative people. The more I changed, the more opportunities came into my life. Wonderful, loving, people came into my inner circle. The people and the world around me looked different.
Unfortunately for many of us this is a life long process.
It is up to us to show others how to treat us!
Honor yourself! Be kind to yourself! Be gentle with yourself and keep feeding the ‘good wolf’.
It is amazing what we can do when we commit to this change!
Throughout the years 2009-2018 I felt pain every day. In 2016-2018 it was incomprehensible. There were days I thought I was going to lose my mind! I had to find solutions! I had to get proactive in my own healing and health!
I had to learn how to set boundaries and I had to find my voice! I had to learn how to advocate for myself and surround myself only with people that loved me and had my best interest in mind!
Part of what helped me get through those years was the process of researching, trial and error, being in the solution instead of always focusing on my suffering. Sometimes it was something that just took the edge off to get me through the day or even just the next hour. of these things were: EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), the Biomat, acupuncture, Young Living oils for pain, learning how to make my own salve (CBD oil combined with YL oils) for pain, spirituality, food healing. I learned about what foods helped lower inflammation and what effects certain foods had on my body! AND Kundalini Yoga!
Most important: NEVER ABSOLUTELY NEVER GIVE UP!
Mindset!!! It is so easy when you are constantly in pain to have a chant of pain going over and over in your mind. When people ask how you are, you are constantly verbalizing how you are hurting or struggling. I found that this actually made living in pain worse and more intense. It reinforces your pain story. Now, that does not mean living in denial! It means pay attention to what you say and think! It means staying in the solution as much as you can. It means making extra effort to staying positive and thinking positive. It means taking action on the things you can control: your thoughts, getting sleep, eating healthy, educating yourself of all the alternative options that promote healing, being around positive people, finding balance in pushing yourself through and resting, making sure you are showing yourself kindness and compassion, helping someone (focusing on someone else’s pain and how you might be able to help).
Getting Past the Pain Part 1:
There are so many actions we can take. The first and foremost is, to make the decision. Because my story was Sickness, Pain and suffering it actually was hard to let go. This may sound crazy, and of course it is not conscious until you let it become so. One of the first things I had to do was courageously look at my part. I had to stop being the victim of my circumstances and look at where I did have power! This I began accomplishing through regular meditation and writing. The reason why this part is so important is because if we do not look at the part us that is holding on, the process of recovery begins to become a cycle of 3 steps ahead and then two steps back.
It took me years of this to figure out what part of me was holding on to the story of sickness. What I discovered was when I was a child this was the only time I received affection and felt safe. Does this mean I am to blame for all of my suffering? Of course not. But as soon as I took responsibility for the pieces I could change I shifted from victim to warrior!
It is impossible to move away from pain with a negative mind set!
I thought I’d start with this, because if you begin with this your efforts won’t be sabotaged.
DON”T QUIT BEFORE THE MIRACLE
Have you ever heard this saying?
This week this metaphor became an experienced truth. After my amputation I gained a lot of weight. Being heavy was a very uncomfortable feeling for me and made everything a lot harder. I made a decision to lose the weight, putting this as a high priority. For three months I began changing my habits and began exercising. I did not drop one pound! I was so frustrated. I had a lot working against me: medications I was on, not being able to exercise like I used to, and my age. My fist reaction was, ” I’ll never be abler to accomplish this, I have too much working against me…”.
I made a decision that this was too important to my quality of life. I felt better eating healthy and exercising anyway! I knew enough from my Ayurvedic background that sometimes things are manifesting even though we can not see them in the physical appearance yet. Today I have accomplished more than half of my desired weight loss. I share this because I think of the many time we shoot ourself in the foot because we quit right before the miracle. These laws work across the board. If you continue to do the work, keep you eye on the goal you will get there! And boy is it worth it!
This can be such a tricky thing. Especially because of the ego. The crazy part of it all is we are only empowered when we look at our part in what is in our present. All of what is in my present moment has been a creation of the choices I have made, no one else. And boy I sure have not done things perfectly! However, I grow and stop making the same mistakes over and over when I stop looking outside and begin looking inside. It’s been a blessing to learn how to own up to what I’ve done and do my best to make better choice; even when my part involved ugliness.
The important thing to remember is no one can attack me! And when I attack someone it has been because I feel i have been attacked and therefore I am attacking myself.
I do believe that most people do the best they can with what they know and have experienced. So, there is no pay off for holding onto anger or attacking thoughts towards another! The truth is when we do that we are only hurting ourselves and missing an opportunity for growth. A dear friend of mine passed on an awesome question for me to ask myself: Does this person or situation add grace to my life? And if not why am allowing this person or situation to continue being in my life? The next question I would add to that is: am I adding grace in this persons life or in this situation or am I causing harm. This takes a depth of honesty with ones self!